I have been away from this blog of late (mostly because of graduate school and its demands on my available cooking and writing time) but I haven’t stopped cooking, by any means. As a matter of fact, I have quite the backlog of pictures of delicious things I’ve made, things that at some point really should be shared. (My mother, in particular, has been asking for documentation of the fantastic coconut basil truffles we made months ago. Sorry, mom.) So why am I returning to this blog to write about one of my most egregious culinary weak spots? Sometimes you don’t get to pick the story you tell, I suppose.
At any rate, my bête noire (or rather, bête blanche et jaune) is that I cannot do anything with eggs.

Especially not this. (From www.theeggshellsculptor.com)
Well, I suppose this isn’t strictly true. I just can’t do things which showcase them. Frittatas, Benedicts, omelets, and so an all turn immediately into a sort of watery scrambled mess. About the only thing I can reliably do with an egg is fry one or (and this is an embarrassingly recent development– like, “last week” recent) boil one. The First Mate/Assiduous Chef, on the other hand, is top-notch with eggs. He will come up with fluffy spur-of-the-moment scrambles that I will devour even though I normally deplore scrambled eggs. In our household, he is the eggman and I am, sadly, the walrus.
Today is one of my rare mornings in, and as I was lingering over my second or third cup of coffee, I decided that what I really wanted was sauteed mushrooms and wilted spinach. So I made them, and took a bite of them, and they were delicious. Suddenly, however, all I could think of is how much better they would be encased in an omelet. Now, I have never made an omelet successfully, but (I reasoned) it would be silly to have to forgo my preferred breakfast just because I had some sort of egg-related clumsiness. Downright embarrassing, even. This is the 21st century and I am a freethinking, educated woman who should not rely on a man to flip my eggs for me. For the sake of my stomach and my ego, I will set to this thing with vigor until my ovoprandial aspirations have been fully realized! thought I, and feeling inordinately smug for having invented the word “ovoprandial,” I set to.

Pictured: Omelette de la Tristesse
What you see here is supposed to be a spinach, mushroom, and Parmesan omelet. I will pass over the texture (weird and squidgy), the taste (disappointing, even given the excellent filling), and the amount of pepper included (excessive even by my standards) and focus on the fact that, even though it broke apart in the pan afterwards, it does appear to have been flipped rather than scrambled. This, I am counting a victory. On the whole, though, First Mate, your position as the eggmaster is safe.
Tags: cheese, eggs, learning experiences, mushrooms, spinach